Good morning, and welcome to Big Valley Grace Community Church. My name is Joel. If you’re new, we’re glad you’re here — after the gathering I’ll be in the welcome center, and I’d love to meet you and put a name and a face together. We’re in a series called Real People, and today we’re in Genesis chapter 4. If you have a Bible, turn there; if you need one, we have Bibles in the prayer room at no cost, because we want everyone to have a copy of God’s word.

Before we get into our text, I want to share this: when you’re done hearing what I’m going to share today, you will either love me or you will hate me, because you’re going to see that I’m a real person. The enemy does not want me to tell you the truth — to be authentic, honest, and transparent — because if I do that, it will give you courage to do the same thing. So let’s pray. Father God, thank you for the courage and boldness you have given me. Help me to be brave and to walk in the path you have prepared. Would your word be the loudest voice in the room? Would your Holy Spirit be at work in our lives, and would we submit to you — not fighting against you, but welcoming and allowing your work in our lives? We need you, Lord. We pray this in Jesus’ name, and all God’s family said, Amen.

Before we get into the text, I want to lead with this question: what has been the greatest expression of anger in your life? See, some of you already don’t like me. What I find difficult about this question is picking one, because so many moments come to my mind where I have expressed anger in a great way and failed. It’s hard to identify which moment is actually the greatest expression of anger in my life. In Genesis 4, I’m going to read each verse, walk through the whole account, bring in passages from other places in Scripture to help us understand it, and when we get to the end, I’ll share about my own life and give you a tool that I use.

Genesis 4:1: “Now Adam knew Eve his wife” — that’s the biblical way to say they were married and did married things — “and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, ‘I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord.’” When we read it in English, we miss it; there’s a word play here. The word “gotten” sounds similar to the word “Cain” in Hebrew, so it would be like she was saying, “I have Cain, a man with the help of the Lord.” She’s recognizing that God did something for her and names the child after the action of God. She says this because this is the very first child ever born. There was no pregnancy test, no sonogram, no prenatal vitamins, no nurses, no midwife, no doctor, no hospital room, no one to say “here’s what you can expect while you’re expecting.” No one to walk her through what she was experiencing. So she says, “I’ve gotten a man with the help of the Lord, because Adam hasn’t been any help — but God showed up to help me.” The very first time a child is born, she says, “God helped me.” And it matches the blessing of God. We see it in Genesis 1:28: “God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’” God blesses them and God helps. God calls and God equips — it’s all the work of God.

Verse 2: “And again, Adam knew his wife Eve, and she conceived again and bore Cain’s brother Abel.” The story jumps forward from the birth account to their jobs, because the very next sentence is their jobs: “Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, and Cain a worker of the ground.” The timeline skips forward rapidly, and these two words — keeper and worker — also match the blessing of God. In Genesis 1:29–30, God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. And to every beast of the earth, and to every bird of the heavens, and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food.” The job description we find out about Abel is that he was a keeper of the sheep, and Cain was a worker of the ground — and it matches the blessing. Plants need a worker, and that worker was Cain. Everything that had the breath of life needed a keeper, and that keeper was Abel. It’s all part of God’s plan. The job descriptions match the blessing, match what they experienced.

Verse 3: “In the course of time, Cain brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions.” This is the first occurrence of the word “time” in the Bible, and in our passage today we’ll see it twice — the first two occurrences — and both of them are connected to coming to worship the Lord. Cain brought the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. I’m not going to spend time on the difference in what they brought; we’ll look at how they brought it later. But let’s look at the word “time.” It’s not the first moment the concept of time appears, because the creation account in Genesis 1 tells us day one, day two, day three. And on day seven we read: “God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all his work that he had done in creation.” I’m not actually sure why, in the course of time, Cain and Abel brought an offering, or what instructions they were following. But what I do have is this text that says the seventh day was holy to the Lord and God blessed it. So it’s possible that the Sabbath day that was holy somehow informed them of when to bring an offering to the Lord.

The passage continues: “And the Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard.” When Abel brings his offering — the firstborn of his flock and their fat portions — the Lord has regard, or accepts it. When Cain brings his offering of the fruit of the ground, the Lord has no regard, does not accept it. If we just look at this verse, we don’t know why. It tells us the result but not the reason. Why does God accept one and not the other? Fortunately, we have our entire Bible, and the New Testament answers the question. Hebrews 11:4: “By faith, Abel offered to God a more acceptable sacrifice than Cain, through which he was commended as righteous, and God commended him by accepting his gifts.” The difference was that Abel had faith. Abel brings his offering in faith; Cain, we learn by default, did not. So it’s not what they brought, but how they brought it. One brought it in faith, one brought it not in faith. The one who brought it in faith, God accepted; the one who did not, God rejected.

At the end of verse 5: “So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. And the Lord said to Cain, ‘Why are you angry, and why is your face fallen?’” These are the first two occurrences of the word “anger” in our Bible, and in both sentences anger is connected to a physical expression in the body. Cain was very angry; his face fell. The Lord asks, “Why are you angry? Why is your face fallen?” The face follows what’s going on inside. I’m a very expressive person — I can walk into any room and make everyone feel uncomfortable. People say about me that I wear my emotions on my sleeves; you don’t have to guess how I’m feeling because you’re going to see it. Well, anger that’s inside is going to find its way to the outside. James 1:19–20 explains: “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” This is actually about how we interact with God’s word, but there’s a principle here: the anger of man produces something, and it does not produce the righteousness of God. If my heart is full of sin, it’s going to produce things birthed from sin — unrighteous things. If my heart is full of anger, it’s going to produce things birthed from anger, and it’s not of God.

Verse 7, I believe, is the key to the whole passage — it’s like getting the CliffsNotes. I wish I’d understood this verse a long time ago, because it has taken me a lot of hard work and processing to understand the simplicity of it. God comes and asks a question — not by accident, not worded haphazardly, but very intentionally: “If you do well, will you not be accepted?” The word “accepted” means to be lifted up. Remember, Cain is angry, his face has fallen. Why are you angry? Why is your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be lifted up? When I get down to the bottom of where anger begins in my life, I find that the reason I’m actually angry is because I think I have been rejected. It hurts to be rejected, but I’m not honest enough as a man to say I’m hurting. I’m not honest enough to say I feel I have been rejected. And it is way easier to get angry than to admit, “I’m hurting and I feel rejected.” If you do well, will you not be accepted? God knows Cain wants to be accepted. God knows what he’s struggling with, and he speaks directly to his struggle. Not being honest about this caused a very long history of pain in my life — not being honest about this one issue, that I’m hurting, that I feel rejected, and that I really just want to be accepted.

Then God flips to the other side: “If you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it.” You see the language — the king of the jungle is ready to attack. There’s a predator and prey. The predator is sin, ready to attack the prey. And the prey is you. You’re the prey; I’m the prey; Cain’s the prey. And God says, “But you must rule over it. You must be the master of it, the owner of it.” What is God communicating? The solution is that he expects us to be accountable for our sin — to own it. James 1:13–14 explains: “Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am being tempted by God,’ for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.” We are the owner of our sin, and God expects us to be fully accountable as the owner of our own sin.

Have you ever thought in a moment, “You know what I need? I just need God to show up right now and tell me what to do. God, just spell it out for me — tell me what you want me to do, then I’ll know what to do and I can move forward”? Anybody ever felt that way? God does this to Cain. God shows up to Cain, tells him what to do, gives him the warning. And what happens? Verse 8: “Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him.” God comes directly to Cain and personally instructs him, and Cain chose sin. I was trying to wrestle with understanding the impact of this verse. I have two brothers, and I love my brothers. I was trying to understand taking one of my brothers into a field and killing them. I was really struggling to connect to that. I have nine children — some of them are in the room right now — and I had a really hard time understanding that one of my children would rise up and kill another one of my children. James 1:15 explains how it happens: “Then desire, when it has conceived, gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is fully grown, brings forth death.” That’s how it happens. Though I’m having a hard time relating to the action itself, this explains how it happens, and it teaches me something about my own anger: my own anger has never caused another life to flourish. Let me repeat that. My own anger has never caused another life to flourish. Why? Because anger births death. That’s what it produces.

Verse 9: “Then the Lord said to Cain, ‘Where is Abel your brother?’ And Cain said, ‘I do not know. Am I my brother’s keeper?’” Clearly he’s lying — “I do not know” is a clear lie. But if we don’t understand the creation account, we don’t understand the phrase “Am I my brother’s keeper,” because it is sick, sarcastic, twisted, and manipulative. Let me explain. In Genesis 2:15 we read about Cain’s dad, Adam, and the job description Adam was given: “The Lord took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it.” There are those two words again — work and keep. Abel was a keeper; Cain was a worker. The blessing was plants and every breath of life. It’s all working together. God gave Adam a job, and the job description was to work it and keep it. So what is Cain doing? He’s saying, “I don’t know where my brother is” — a lie — and then he takes the job description and throws it in God’s face: “Am I my brother’s keeper?”

Verse 10: “And the Lord said, ‘What have you done? The voice of your brother’s blood is crying to me from the ground.’” I’m not totally sure how that happens, but this is my best way to explain it: people are created in the image of God and they’re known by God. Everyone who bears God’s image is known by God, because they’re an image bearer. Genesis 1:27: “So God created man in his own image; in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Somehow, when the blood pumping through us that sustains the image bearer is shed, God knows the blood loss. When an image bearer of God experiences bloodshed, God knows. God knows what’s happening in every person who bears his image.

Verse 11 brings the curse: “And now you are cursed from the ground, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand.” Cain kills his brother Abel; Abel’s blood goes to the ground; and now the ground is the curse that Cain is experiencing — he is cursed from the ground. What’s wild is that Cain’s dad, Adam, also experienced a curse, and it also had to do with the ground: “And to Adam he said, ‘Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree which I commanded you, “You shall not eat of it,” cursed is the ground because of you. In pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life.’” Adam’s sin caused the ground to be cursed; Adam’s son Cain’s sin caused Cain to be cursed by the ground. That is some messed-up father-and-son stuff. Can you relate to some messed-up father-and-son stuff? Some messed-up mother-and-daughter stuff? This is a mess.

Verse 12: “When you work the ground, it shall no longer yield to you its strength. You shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth.” The job that God gives is a blessing — it is a blessing to have a job, a blessing to work and to keep and to honor the Lord. In this moment, Cain loses his job. He goes from being a worker and a keeper, from having the ground yield its strength, to being a fugitive and a wanderer. He’s lost his job and he’s lost his blessing. And the same thing happened to his dad: “Thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” Adam lost the blessing too. Two chapters earlier, in Genesis 1, God said, “In the image of God we will make them — male and female.” Two chapters later, they go from being referred to as the image of God to being called dust.

Verse 13: “Cain said to the Lord, ‘My punishment is greater than I can bear.’” What he is now receiving because of his actions, he can’t hold up. And the same is true for every one of us: we cannot hold the weight of our sin. None of us is strong enough to bear the consequence of our sin, for the wages of sin is death. We can’t hold it because it kills us. But the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Aren’t you grateful that God forgives, and that Jesus Christ takes the weight of our sin and offers us eternal life when we place our faith in Jesus Christ and him alone? Praise God.

Verse 14 — now Cain is going to blame God: “Behold, you have driven me today away from the ground, and from your face I shall be hidden. I shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me.” Cain actually blames God, saying God did this to him, and takes no accountability. Have you ever made a statement that sounds like this: “If God just would have — fill in the blank — this would not have happened”? Matthew 7:12: “Whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the law and the prophets.” Abel’s life was taken away by Cain, but Cain didn’t want his own life to be taken away. Is it not wild that we are willing to do to people what we do not want done to us? Our willingness to do something evil toward someone else, while not wanting evil done toward us — whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them.

Verse 15: “The Lord said to him, ‘Not so. If anyone kills Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold.’ And the Lord put a mark on Cain, lest any who found him should attack him.” God takes control of the killing spree. He puts an end to it and draws a boundary line: if anyone crosses this line and kills Cain, vengeance will be taken on them sevenfold. This is a very important lesson. Romans 12:19: “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’” If we try to act in vengeance, we cross God’s boundary line. His wrath and vengeance belong to him; when we step over that line, that’s a problem.

Verse 16: “Then Cain went away from the presence of the Lord.” That might be the saddest commentary that could ever be said about anyone — about Cain, about you, about me — that the story of our life is that we went away from the presence of the Lord. “Then Cain went away from the presence of the Lord and settled in the land of Nod, east of Eden.” The word “Nod” means wandering. That’s exactly what happens when we leave the presence of the Lord: we’re wandering — aimless, no direction, no plan, nowhere to go. If we settle for not being in God’s presence, we’re going to end up in the same place. Second Peter 3:9: “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that anyone should perish, but that all should reach repentance.”

There’s a question I think you should ask right now: why did God not just kill Cain? Cain killed Abel — why did God not just take him out? I personally believe God had the full right to take Cain out. Why didn’t he? What we observe of God and call “slow” is not slow — he’s patient. That’s different than slow. He’s patient because he’s hoping and waiting for people to repent; he’s giving people an opportunity to repent. I think this is an unbelievable picture of God’s grace, that God did not kill Cain right then. He deserved death, and God showed him mercy. He didn’t deserve life, and God allowed him to keep his. That’s a picture of grace. Amazing.

The next few verses tell a little of what happens in Cain’s family. Cain knew his wife, and she conceived and bore Enoch; when he built a city, he named it after his son Enoch. To Enoch was born Irad, and Irad fathered Mehujael, and Mehujael fathered Methushael, and Methushael fathered Lamech. Lamech took two wives, Adah and Zillah. Adah bore Jabal, the father of those who dwell in tents and have livestock. His brother’s name was Jubal, the father of all those who play the lyre and pipe. Zillah also bore Tubal-cain, the forger of all instruments of bronze and iron; the sister of Tubal-cain was Naamah. So what happens when a family is led away from the presence of God? When the leader of a family chooses to move away from God’s presence and wander aimlessly? When the leader of a family rejects God’s grace? We find out in verse 23: “Lamech said to his wives, ‘Adah and Zillah, hear my voice; you wives of Lamech, listen to what I say: I have killed a man for wounding me, a young man for striking me. If Cain’s revenge is sevenfold, then Lamech’s is seventy-sevenfold.’” Lamech is Cain’s great-great-great-grandson, now boasting of exponential evil: “If Cain’s vengeance was sevenfold, mine is seventy-sevenfold.” He’s bragging about how evil he is. This is a picture of what happens when the leader of a home moves away from the presence of the Lord and passes on the rejection of God — generations follow. Exodus 20:4–6: “You shall not make for yourself a carved image… You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me.” When the leader of a home teaches the family to hate the Lord, hatred gets passed to the next generation, and it sticks and keeps getting passed on when the leader of each generation chooses to hate the Lord. But there’s a flip side: “but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments.”

I want you to know that I brought a lot of pain to my family. I brought havoc to my family. And I am so grateful that God did not take me out right then. He showed mercy to me. He didn’t give me what I deserved; he gave me something I didn’t deserve. He was gracious, he forgave me, and he restored the things I broke. He restored my brokenness.

Verse 25: “And Adam knew his wife again, and she bore a son and called his name Seth, for she said, ‘God has appointed for me another offspring instead of Abel, for Cain killed him.’” “Appointed” in Hebrew sounds like “Seth.” Again, she’s seeing the action of God and naming her child after the action of God. The woman also received a curse when Adam and Eve sinned: “To the woman he said, ‘I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.’” Eve now experiences the pain of the curse in three different ways in one moment. Track with me. The curse is that a woman will bring forth a child in pain — and she’s now bearing Seth, experiencing the curse by bringing forth a child in pain. As Seth is born, she’s being reminded of Abel, who is dead, who was murdered — experiencing the curse of that pain. And at the same time, she’s experiencing the pain that Cain is a murderer, that her son killed his brother and then abandoned the family and left. She’s experiencing the pain of childbearing with all three of her children at the very same time. That sounds radical to me — very intense, a very difficult moment.

Verse 26: “To Seth also a son was born, and he called his name Enosh. At that time people began to call on the name of the Lord.” This is the second occurrence of the word “time” in the Bible. Both of them are in this passage, and both references to time are about coming to worship the Lord. They’re both about worship.

Now, you might be thinking, “Why in the world did Joel pick such a depressing passage? We came to worship the Lord today, and this is depressing.” I chose this passage about Cain because the story of Cain is my own. I’m the angry one. I’m the murderer. I’m the villain of the story. My wife Sarah and I are absolutely convinced that if God had not shown up to us just like he did to Cain — Cain rejected God when God showed up, but when God showed up to us, my wife and I did not reject him — our marriage would have ended in divorce. This May, we celebrate 25 years of marriage. God rescued our marriage.

I want to share with you a tool that I have developed that I use to deal with anger, and it’s my hope that as I share it, it will be an encouragement and a help to you. It is time for our relationships to have a RESET. “Reset” is an acronym for the five steps I’m going to explain. When I’m angry, I do not see the situation clearly, and I need to start over. It’s never going to be good if I just press forward in anger. I need to reset.

R — Repent of our sin. First John 1:5–10 is a great passage to meditate on to see how important it is for every one of us to acknowledge our sin and repent of it, and the freedom that comes when we do. When I’m angry, I cannot blame others; I must take accountability for my own sin.

E — Establish our mind on God’s word. Romans 12:1–2 explains that my mind needs to be renewed; I need to experience a transformation. When I’m angry, I can’t think straight. My mind needs to be transformed and renewed.

S — See our identity is in Jesus Christ. Ephesians 1:3–14 is a passage I have meditated on over and over. It lists all the blessings we have in Christ. It’s a fantastic passage to see what is true — because when I’m angry, I focus on rejection, but I need to see that God chose me.

E — Engage our relationships. John 13 describes Jesus washing the disciples’ feet — and one of them would betray him. If Jesus can pick up a towel and wash the feet of his disciples when one of them is going to betray him, then I can engage relationships again. When I’m angry, I fight; but I need to put down my sword and pick up a towel and wash some feet.

T — Trust is built with truth, authenticity, and transparency. Ephesians 4 is a fantastic passage to meditate on. The first half is about our unity in the body of Christ, and the second half is about the new life we walk in Christ — learning to be truthful, to be a real person with someone else, to be open and honest. You see, when I’m angry, I lie, I keep secrets, and I use deception. And you know what that builds? Animosity, not trust.

It is time for our relationships to have a reset: Repent of our sin; Establish our mind on God’s word; See our identity in Jesus Christ; Engage our relationships; Trust is built with truth, authenticity, and transparency.

I started by asking you: what has been the greatest expression of anger in your life? I will finish by asking a second question: what could be the greatest restoration of relationship in your life? There was a time when my wife Sarah and I did not think it was possible. Then God showed up, and God restored. You might not think it is possible, but maybe God’s going to show up, and maybe God’s going to restore. What could be the greatest restoration of relationship in your life?

Father God, thank you for the opportunity we’ve had to be in your word. We’re grateful for you — for how you’re teaching us and how you’re moving. I pray for every person here; we’re all in a different place, and you’re working in our lives in a different way. God, I pray that someone here right now would experience you showing up and healing and restoring and reconciling and bringing health, in the same way that you did for us. God, we’re in desperate need of you. We want to see you work. May you be glorified; may your name and your name alone be high and lifted up. We pray this in Jesus’ name, and all God’s family said, “Amen.”