My name is Bobby, and one of the things I really like about everybody in this room is that we all had a first time here at Big Valley Grace Community Church. For some of you, that day is today, and I just want to say welcome. My first time coming to Big Valley Grace was over twenty-five years ago; I was invited by some friends to a Saturday night gathering. About a year later, I met my now-wife, and our second date was to come to church together. All these years later, we’ve almost been married twenty-four years, and just like all the kids that were up here earlier for child dedication, all four of my kids were dedicated before the Lord. This church family has been an incredible family to my family, and I’m really grateful.

The message I have to share today is intended to both encourage and challenge moms, dads, those longing to be parents, grandparents, those longing to be grandparents, and those who don’t have kids but have friends who are parents. Now, I want to make it super clear: parenting is amazing — anyone who agrees with me? Parenting is also super difficult. I’m hearing from some of you now. When my wife and I had infants and a bunch of babies running around, that was super hard; we were in a continual state of exhaustion, and it was overwhelming and difficult at times. What’s interesting is that people came alongside us, and I remember hearing at least once: “Hey, that’s nothing — just wait till you parent teenagers.” I think they meant to be encouraging, but it didn’t feel encouraging, right when you’re in what feels like the hardest season of your life, to hear it gets harder. Then when we became parents of teenagers — oh my goodness, they were right; it got harder. And then people came again: “Hey, that’s nothing — just wait till you parent adults.” Now I’ve got parents of adults, and it seems like everybody agrees on one thing: it’s really great to be a grandparent. That’s what everybody seems to agree on, and I’m really grateful for grandparents.

Here at Big Valley Grace, we’re in a series called Real People — real people, real issues. Today we’re going to look at one of those real people in the Bible. This person is a mom, and she’s quite ordinary — so ordinary that we don’t even know her name — but what God did with her and her family is nothing short of extraordinary. This morning we’re going to look at the Canaanite woman, in Matthew chapter 15. One of our desires here is that nobody would leave without a Bible, so if you didn’t show up with one, come to our prayer room after the gathering and we’d love to give you one.

Let me read the passage, verses 21–28: “And Jesus went away from there and withdrew to the district of Tyre and Sidon. And behold, a Canaanite woman from that region came out and was crying, ‘Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! My daughter is severely oppressed by a demon.’ But he did not answer her a word. And his disciples came and begged him, saying, ‘Send her away, for she is crying out after us.’ He answered, ‘I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.’ But she came and knelt before him, saying, ‘Lord, help me.’ And he answered, ‘It is not right to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs.’ She said, ‘Yes, Lord; yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.’ Then Jesus answered her, ‘O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire.’ And her daughter was healed instantly.”

Let’s pray: Heavenly Father, I ask that I would only speak the words you want me to speak this morning, and I pray for each one here that they would have the heart and ears to listen and to respond in whatever way your Holy Spirit is asking them to respond. I pray these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Now, a quick disclaimer: my goal today is not to give you a recipe that, if you follow it exactly, you will get the answer to the prayer you want in the timing you want it. That’s not the case. But I do hope we can all walk away with some principles that will be helpful. Verse 21 says Jesus went away from there and withdrew to the district of Tyre and Sidon — that would be modern-day Lebanon — and a Canaanite woman from that region came out and was crying. A couple of things about Tyre and Sidon: it was a Gentile land, and Jesus went there likely to rest. In fact, in Mark 7:24 we see that he didn’t want anyone to know he was there; he was with the disciples, likely going to rest. But the Gentiles knew who he was, and Jesus knew there were open hearts to the gospel there, while he had been experiencing quite a bit of rejection among the Jews.

If you recall from the book of Deuteronomy, Canaanites were part of the original occupants of the Promised Land, and when God brought the Israelites into the land, he told them to eliminate all the Canaanites. The Canaanites were a cursed, doomed people — the only reason this woman is even alive is because Israel was disobedient. Canaanites had no privilege; they were the least of the least. And yet, with all of that, this Canaanite woman approaches Jesus. Look at verse 22 to see what she says: she cries out, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! My daughter is severely oppressed by a demon.”

Now, parents, I have to ask: have any of you ever had the experience with one of your children where you said, “I think my kid’s been taken over by a demon”? I don’t say that to make light of what actually happened in this passage, but I think many of us can identify that there are times where we just go, “Who is this child? Can I get my child back?” My wife and I have four kids — three were able to be here last night, one was at work. Our oldest is twenty and our youngest is twelve. Parenting has been the most rewarding experience, but no doubt it has also been the most difficult: so many sleepless nights, so many tears, so many times with the feeling of failure. In this case, this mom is asking for mercy. She’s very reverent; she understands Jesus has power over demons. She has great faith, and she is desperate. Ever been there as a parent? Ever been desperate and cried out to the Lord?

Verse 23: “But he did not answer her a word.” Have you ever asked the Lord for something and never heard anything back? Are you in that place right now — asking, but not feeling like you’re hearing anything? Do you wonder why God would not answer her? Why did he put up this barrier in front of this woman? Having great faith is not easy — it’s persistent. At least to me, this response doesn’t seem like Jesus. Did he care? Yes. Did he have compassion? Yes. But why didn’t he say anything? I believe he wanted to strengthen, test, and stretch this woman’s faith to its fullest. So he put up barriers she must persist through to show the reality of her faith — faith that is not shallow. You may be wondering this morning: why is God not answering your prayer? Is it possible that he’s wanting to stretch your faith, maybe beyond what you can even imagine?

Also in verse 23: “His disciples came and begged him, saying, ‘Send her away, for she is crying out after us.’” It appears Jesus’ silence was going on for quite some time, and the disciples were getting really annoyed, to be frank. I imagine them saying, “Heal her already, Jesus — heal her so we can go rest. Send her away.” Now, how do other people react to your faith? Is your persistence an annoyance to them? Do you have people around you who encourage you in your faith and are willing to pray with you? Are you around people you can encourage and pray with?

Verse 24: “He answered, ‘I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.’” When I read that, I thought, man, that’s brutal. She’s asking him to heal her kid; he doesn’t answer, and then this is what he says. In this case, he’s not responding to the woman directly — he’s speaking to the disciples. Here’s what I believe the disciples would have heard: “She is not a Jew. Sorry.” But why would he say that? He had already healed others who were not Jews. To me, this seemed like a rude response. I believe Jesus was saying something like this: “I have not turned my back on Israel, even though I continue to be rejected. I am still calling the nation of Israel to repentance. I am still following the plan” — the plan being that God would send the Messiah to Israel, and through Israel the world would be reached. Jesus is saying, “I really don’t have to do anything here, because I’m still focused on the Israelites.” But for this woman, I imagine it must have felt like a slap in the face. Yet her faith was so great, she was not deterred at all — and the Lord continued to test her faith.

Let me ask you: did you ever think that some or all of the reason God may not be answering your prayer request the way you want, in the timing you want, may have something to do with what he wants to teach other people? Maybe there’s something he is trying to teach your family, your friends, your co-workers, your neighbors. Maybe there’s a message for them in this.

How did she respond? Verse 25: “She came and knelt before him, saying, ‘Lord, help me.’” Look how humble she remains. She keeps a great attitude; she doesn’t give up; she doesn’t argue; her heart is in the right place. So how does Jesus respond this time? Verse 26: “And he answered, ‘It is not right to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs.’” This is getting really painful. When Jesus says “it is not right,” he’s saying it’s not the normal, acceptable thing to do. Think about your pet dog for a minute: you love the dog, it’s part of your family — but when you make dinner, the food goes to you and your kids; it’s not for the family dog. The message was that the Israelites were the priority. And here’s another barrier, another test of faith for this woman. Our faith is strengthened by testing. I believe he’s continuing to draw out her faith, letting her demonstrate the reality of it, delaying her to test her. But I have to ask: how would you have responded? How do you respond when the Lord may be testing your faith? What can you learn from the Canaanite woman?

Verse 27: “She said, ‘Yes, Lord; yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.’” I love this response. She picks up his analogy and takes it a step further — and she was right. While the children of Israel were being fed, we see examples of Gentiles getting the crumbs all through the gospel account, and we know the day is coming when Jesus would be crucified, buried, and risen, and the church is born and the Gentiles are embraced in an incredible way. So how does Jesus respond? Verse 28: “O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed instantly. She had great faith — likely a saving faith that day. So what is it you are asking the Lord for? How strong is your faith? Have you lost hope?

Parents, moms, dads, those who long to be parents, grandparents, those longing to be grandparents, those who aren’t parents but have friends who are — where do we go from here? What can we learn from this real story, from the life of this woman? I’m going to offer three next steps this morning.

The first one: grab your mat. Have persevering faith — never, ever, ever stop praying. You may say, “Why the mat?” For a moment, look at Luke chapter 5: some men came carrying a paralyzed man on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. Jesus said to the paralyzed man, “I tell you, get up, take your mat, and go home.” And immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on, and went home praising God. For me, this mat is a reminder to never stop praying. The mat was brought to Jesus, and the paralyzed man left with his mat, praising God. Practically speaking, you may need a mat like this, because you may be spending a lot of time on your knees praying. Let me ask you this: is what you are praying for worth praying for, for the rest of your life? Let me ask that again — is what you are praying for worth praying for, for the rest of your life? Another question: are you listening for the different ways God might be responding? Maybe his silence is intended to develop and strengthen your faith. Maybe he’s wanting to speak to you about something different than what you are wanting to speak to him about.

My wife and I have had some very difficult moments as parents; we’ve had to pray a lot. God answered some of my prayers differently than I was asking him to. One answer was to lead me to meet with a pastor friend of mine to reflect on what God might be trying to teach me in the challenging season of parenting I was in. Imagine this: as I was asking God to change my children, he spoke to me about surrendering control of my children to him. I can remember vividly, even though this was a handful of years ago, being in my backyard and saying out loud, “God, I surrender control of my kids to you.” By name, I surrendered control of my children to him. As much as I love them, he loves them more. God also answered some of my wife’s and my prayers by leading us to see a Christian counselor to get help as parents. Sometimes when we’re struggling with a kid who’s making life difficult for us, that can create challenges for us too — and we went and got help. It was great for us as parents, and great for us as husband and wife to say, “We need some help.”

A special note to grandparents: I hope you’re listening. Be prayer warriors for your kids who are parents, and for your kids who want to be parents. Encourage your kids — it makes a huge difference. There were moments when, just at the right time, God used my parents to encourage me in some of the most difficult times of parenting. For most of my life, I either lived in their home or in the same community, until they moved to Texas a few years ago to live closer to my younger brother who has little kids. There would be moments where I’d get a phone call or a text or a reminder — things as simple as, “You’re a great dad. You’re doing a great job. Keep up the great work.” To hear that from my parents — wow, that was huge. Grandparents, you probably don’t realize the complete impact you can have on your kids who are parents and your kids who want to be parents. And for those who don’t have children but have friends who do — same challenge: be prayer warriors for them, be encouragers to them. Parenting is hard, and every parent needs that kind of prayer and encouragement. So the first step: grab your mat, have persevering faith, keep praying.

The second one: call a friend. Pick up the phone, join a life group. Life can be difficult; parenting can be difficult; and we need others to help us out. Look at Exodus chapter 17: when Moses’ arms grew tired, Aaron and Hur brought a stone for him to sit on while they stood beside him and held up his arms, holding them steady until the sun went down — and in this way Joshua totally defeated the Amalekites. We need others to hold up our arms. I have found in life I’m usually in one of two spots: either I need my arms held up, or I’m in a spot where I can hold somebody else’s arms up. Sometimes you can do both. Why a life group? When my wife and I came to this church twenty-four years ago, we were just newly married, and I am so grateful that Big Valley Grace believes so much in small groups and life groups. We were soon invited into a small group — and to be clear, what I’m talking about isn’t just friends; friendships are different. Small groups have been so significant in our life. We’ve been in many small groups over the years; we’ve led them, hosted them, and been part of them, across lots of different ages and stages of life. I can remember a small group where none of us had kids — we were praying for those who wanted kids, celebrating when somebody got pregnant, and crying with those who couldn’t. We were really grateful to get together weekly, with time in the word together, praying together, hanging out together, sharing life together. There were moments where we’d say, “Man, this is something I’m struggling with,” and others would say, “Let me pray for you; this is something I want to encourage you with.” I would just hope that every single person who calls Big Valley Grace home would be in a life group. And I’m telling you now because in a few months, in late summer, we’re going to invite everybody to be in a life group again — we do it every year. I know some of you are thinking, “I’m too busy to be in a life group.” Then you’re too busy. You’ve got a few months to be praying about it and rearranging your schedule to say, “We’re going to commit part of our schedule to coming alongside others.” Some of you say, “I’ve been in a small group before, and that was great, and we’re good now.” I want you to know I think it’s beneficial always to be in a small group, no matter where you’re at in life — but it could very well be that it’s time for you to give back, because there are things others need from you. If everybody here decided to join a small group, we’d have a problem, because we don’t have enough leaders. So I’m giving you a couple of months to pray about considering being a leader in a small group. That’s really the only ceiling we have to getting everybody into a small group. For some of you that might feel a little nervous — we’re going to come alongside you. For some of you, it could be like our experience: we left a small group we had been in so we could go start one, so that nobody would be without. For some of you, maybe as you continue in your small group, you’ll also lead one, so that everybody here has that opportunity.

Number three: leave the light on. Don’t give up hope. Why the light? In our family, now that my kids are older, most of them get home after I’m asleep — but you always wonder as a parent, right? In the back of your mind you’re going, “Please, Lord, bring him home safe.” One thing we do in our house is we leave the light on at night, knowing that they’re coming home. We anticipate that they are coming home. Listen to Luke 15: “And the prodigal son arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” I believe this father left the light on. He was anticipating; he didn’t give up hope; he was anticipating that his prodigal son was going to come home. Now, I know this morning that some of you have a child who has walked away from the faith. Some of you have a child making life choices you very much disagree with. Some of you have no contact with your child at all. Some of you are grandparents, and your child has a child who has gone wayward. If there’s nothing else you hear today, I hope you hear this clearly: don’t give up hope. Leave the light on.

And this weekend I have a challenge for every parent, every grandparent of a prodigal son or daughter — even if they’re not prodigal, you can accept this challenge: if you can, go hug your son or daughter and tell them how much you love them. Keep the light on. Maybe you don’t have the ability to be with them in person — call them. Tell them how much you love them. Keep the light on. Maybe you don’t have the ability to call them — if possible, write them a letter. Tell them how much you love them. No matter what, tell them you love them. Don’t give up hope. Leave the light on.

There was a pastor on our staff that, during some particularly difficult times of parenting in my life, I would talk to every now and then, and he’d pray with me. At one moment he gave me this book called Prayers for Prodigals — ninety days of prayer for your child. This has been a really great resource in my life. Every day there’s a prayer, and often when I’ve been struggling as a parent, I don’t even know how to pray — and this has helped me know how to pray for my children, for me, for my wife. I want to encourage you to consider picking one up; we’ve got them at the Nook, and if we run out we’ll order more for you. When you’re done with the ninety days, you can just start all over again. After I got this book and read it, I ordered ten more copies and said, “Lord, would you lead me to ten people who need this book?” And this is no exaggeration — in two months, I gave away all ten books. I know a lot of people are struggling with a prodigal child right now, and I want to encourage you: don’t give up hope. Just like the Canaanite woman — don’t give up hope.

So, the three next steps: grab your mat and pray; call a friend and join a life group; and leave the light on — don’t give up hope. In just a moment, I’m going to pray, close, and then invite you to do something: we’re going to have a time of prayer with our staff, our elders, and their spouses, and I’m going to invite you up. I know for some of you this is going to be a hard moment, and it’s going to be easier to stay sitting — but I want you to come up and get prayer. Some of you may want prayer because you want to be a parent and, for whatever reason, God hasn’t blessed you with that yet — come and pray. Some of you want prayer because parenting is extra hard right now, no matter what phase you’re in — come pray. Some of you want prayer because you’re a parent or grandparent of a prodigal — come up and get prayer. The song we’re going to sing is called Run to the Father, and it starts like this: “I’ve carried a burden for too long on my own; I wasn’t created to bear it alone.” The chorus says: “I run to the Father, I fall into grace. I’m done with the hiding, no reason to wait. My heart needs a surgeon; my soul needs a friend. So I’ll run to the Father again and again and again and again.” During this next song, come up and pray — and our prayer team may not even be big enough to pray for everybody today, so if you’re a small group leader or on one of our teams, just jump up and come pray as well. At the beginning of this service we all said, “I will” — that we’re going to be a church that comes alongside you, parents — and this is one of those moments. We’re going to come alongside you and we’re going to pray.

Final thought. I love this passage from Mark 9 — a father pleading with Jesus to heal his son: “But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” And Jesus said to him, “If you can? All things are possible for the one who believes.” And immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief.” That resonates with me as a parent. I believe — but Lord, help me with my unbelief. That’s the heart of coming forward and saying, “Would you pray with me this morning? I believe, but would you help me with my unbelief?”

So, church family, let’s pray together. Heavenly Father, you’re a good, good Father. Thank you for sharing with us the story of the Canaanite woman — that you loved her and you loved her child. I pray this would be a moment where we are both encouraged and challenged to take our mat and bring it to you, to have persevering faith, and to not give up praying. I pray that everybody here would take it to heart and be praying about joining a life group, that they could be in a home with other people, maybe in an age and stage like them, where they can have their arms held up and can hold up the arms of others. And God, I pray we’d keep the light on — that we’d never give up hope. In this moment, I pray that as a church family we can come alongside and pray for everyone who comes forward. Thank you for a church family. I pray all these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.