Week 5 — Monday: Forgive Us Our Debts

I love how Jesus taught on the beatitudes in the scriptures that I just read and I’ve read those scriptures many times and if you read the beatitudes apparently Christian persecution is part of it and the beatitudes I saw different things I read like on oats how people shouldn’t make them our government makes oats all the time maybe they shouldn’t make oats along with people in general it’s like making promises because 99% of the time 99.9% of the time we’re going to break those promises to people like for instance last year I had two friends really good friends they promised to buy me a brand spanking new bed because I need one really really bad I don’t have the money to get it they also promised me a brand spanking new couch they said they had the money they had a way and all the stuff they just didn’t have a truck and they didn’t have the time well then life changed and things change in their lives and mine and they never kept their promise and it was a promise they made to me that they were going to do this and they never did it like in 2020 when a family member promised me that they were going to be my caregiver maybe two and a half years later well it’s been well over 3 years and they’ve moved out of town and now they’re not interested anymore well I sit here with no caregiver and a person that wants to apply for the job that isn’t qualified for the job while those that are qualified don’t want the job it makes it hard those are some examples of promises forgiveness is something we all struggle with some it’s easier to forgive others than others and others they have grudges and then retaliation we struggle with that as human beings it makes you think a lot lately I’ve been very emotional and snappy towards God and I shouldn’t be that way and I did repent but it’s just hard my emotions and my thoughts about my Christian walk I just feel like a terrible Christian so sometimes I cop an attitude with God and I know that I can get me in serious trouble with him and then I end up repenting and telling him how sorry I am later on because I regret it and then sometimes I snap at people and I don’t mean to do that it’s just there’s various factors involved in my life and my health that can cause that but sometimes I’m just grumpy and I feel like people just want everything from me and I don’t know how to tell people no without offending them and even if I do offend them I try not to and they just get angry with me anyway especially my family members I told God last night in prayer I said Lord I’m like I’m not sure what your purpose originally was for me but seems like all I do is make people angry at me all they want to do is lash out at me and beat me up or hurt me in some way you know I’m a 41 year old woman I’ve never been married I have no kids and people look at me like there’s something wrong with me or I’m the drugs of the Earth I don’t know how to fix that I’m disabled I need walkers to get around and my power chair is broken and things are good but then there’s other things and then a friend of mine wants prayer for her son she thinks he’s demonically possessed and she wants prayer for him and she said this is happening before and it’s just everything just rolls up in a ball and gets to me it’s just hard to say I’m sorry for this part but I want to include it anyway but as for the beatitudes I love those in the scriptures I’ve read those many many times but I really think as human beings if people make oats they shouldn’t the Bible States but they if they do they better keep them and if they make promises which can fall under an oath they really should keep it and I’m guilty of breaking promises in life there are things I want to do and I can’t do because I’m disabled I’m stuck at home I want to go evangelize like I used to in 2020 but this is 2023 and I’m stuck in my apartment because I don’t have a car I don’t drive and I’m disabled and I can’t stand up for a full 5 minutes without feeling the need to sit because of my back issues and leg issues and such even though I had back surgery in 2016 I could use prayers for this stuff but when it makes me think about the Bible scriptures I want to go do those things but God has me in a position where I’m so needy all I do is cry or get mad at him and then I’m praising him I have a very bipolar relationship with God and I am not bipolar by any means I have a different condition but it just seems like my relationship with God is like that I’ve heard other Christians and believers in Christ say the exact same thing they’re like you know as the bipolar right of the Bride I’ve heard believers say that when it comes to the Christian walk it’s not easy but it is definitely worth it and God is good sorry all this got lumped up in one message God bless you all and I hope you have a great day bye-bye sorry about that take care bye-bye Jesus bless